What can we do when there is an escalating argument and both people are feeling increasingly angry and frustrated? Emotions are high and getting higher!
It’s a situation that’s likely familiar to all of us. …
Read moreYour Custom Text Here
What can we do when there is an escalating argument and both people are feeling increasingly angry and frustrated? Emotions are high and getting higher!
It’s a situation that’s likely familiar to all of us. …
Read moreWhen we’re learning Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication, we practice with the four steps: Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests. Practicing these steps, learning the vocabulary, clarifying what’s a feeling, what’s a need, and what’s a request is more complicated than it seems at first.
However, practice does work, and eventually, those steps become easier… Finally, requests and observations can be made in more conversational language.
But it turns out there’s still more to do to prepare for a connecting conversation! …
Read moreBreaking a Rule
Earlier this year I wrote an article for the newsletter that shared the needs I most want to meet this year: fun, curiosity, vitality, adventure, awe, and play, and how I want to meet them. This morning I’ve realized how easy it is to let the day go and not include them—that doing the things I would most love to do has been second in line to the things that just need doing. In a weird way, it’s like putting myself second. Oof!
What I want to do is to safeguard these needs from getting lost. I thought, “Well, maybe I can put notifications on my phone.” I could tell right away that this would trigger a have-to approach in responding to any of them.
Then I wondered, “Why are my needs for fun and delight taking second place?” …
Read moreIn a recent practice group, we had a very interesting discussion about a topic where there was a wide variety of perspectives.
We considered the question, “What feelings and needs come up with the situation of one partner in a marriage having a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex?” (I realize this question would be phrased differently for same-sex couples.)
This question allowed us to explore a topic from the NVC perspective of Feelings and Needs, rather than it being “wrong” or “right.” The question led to curiosity and affinity, rather than judgment. …
Read moreAs 2023 has come to a close and 2024 opened its doors, I’ve been giving consideration to what I want for this coming year. I know many people think about this as setting a New Year’s resolution, but as my friend Genevieve says, “That can be tricky.” If we’re not careful we can easily set a perfectionistic goal instead of one that’s doable. Because I too am a recovering perfectionist, this is something I want to avoid.
I’d been mulling this over when another friend, Suz, told me how she would answer this question. She said instead of focusing on a fixed goal she might ask herself, “For this new year, what needs do I have that continue to remain unmet?”
This got me thinking. What are my needs for the new year? What are the first steps? And how will I know when they’re met? For me, there’s a lot of flow, ease, and permission-giving in approaching the big question this way. So, I decided to give it a try, and I’d like to share my answers with you. …
Read moreIn the old days before NVC, I would find out that I was tired and grumpy AFTER I had done something that I regretted. (And of course, sometimes I still do this because I’m a HUMAN).
However, more often now I recognize how I’m feeling (thanks to a lot of practice). Not only can I connect to myself with some compassion, but I can also communicate to others what’s going on and they don’t have to try to figure out, “What they did” or “Is she mad?” or whatever stories might make sense of my behavior. …
Read moreRecently, I’ve been involved in conversations concerning how to be in the world with the terrible violence of wars, climate change, political division, and social disconnection between groups and ideologies.
People say they don’t want to ignore what’s going on in the world and at the same time they don’t want to be so overwhelmed by events that they numb out and lose their life energy.
How to be in the world with what might be called “equanimity”? …
Read moreHow do you manage your day? If you have a habit of over-scheduling or leaving “just enough time” to get where you are going, you might find yourself feeling stressed and nervous as you rush through your day, harried and harassed. If there is someone driving slowly or there is more traffic than usual or you come upon a construction project, you might find yourself angry at each delay, and you arrive at your meeting in a state of anxiety and frustration, irritated with the world.
How about choosing to start a habit that allows you to move through life with more calm and with the ability to show up as your better self? …
Read moreI think it was in March 2020 that Covid started becoming a “thing” that we needed to plan our lives around. For the Center for Compassionate Living (CCL) it meant the end of practice groups and classes at our sweet space on Southwest Industrial Way in Bend. We had just signed a new year-long lease for $850-ish /mo., and we wondered how we were going to make the rent without offering classes, etc. We had a fairly good financial cushion and our community continued to support us as we all waited for things to “get back to normal.” A year later we gave up our space because things were not back to normal, and we didn’t want to continue the financial burden without clarity on when we could meet again in person.
Of course, what “saved” the Center was Zoom, the widely used online videoconferencing software. …
Center for Compassionate Living
c/o Denise Torres
1516 NE Locksley Drive
Bend, OR 97701
541-350-6517