When unmet needs become demanding

March 23, 2024 Denise Torres

When you have a need that you are seeking to meet but the seeking becomes insistent, like a demand, what then? This is what I’ve experienced.

The negative energy (and the stories I tell myself) that go with an unmet need creates a kind of hypervigilance—an intensity about getting the need met, and a fearfulness that it won't be.

I become attached to a particular outcome. …

Breaking a rule

February 11, 2024 Denise Torres

Breaking a Rule

Earlier this year I wrote an article for the newsletter that shared the needs I most want to meet this year: fun, curiosity, vitality, adventure, awe, and play, and how I want to meet them. This morning I’ve realized how easy it is to let the day go and not include them—that doing the things I would most love to do has been second in line to the things that just need doing. In a weird way, it’s like putting myself second. Oof!

What I want to do is to safeguard these needs from getting lost. I thought, “Well, maybe I can put notifications on my phone.” I could tell right away that this would trigger a have-to approach in responding to any of them.

Then I wondered, “Why are my needs for fun and delight taking second place?” …

Try Letting Go

February 13, 2023 CCL

BW photo: Man w/ earphones and backpack juggling next to city street — Photo by Matt Bero on Unsplash

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

What are some things we (mostly) have control over? What are some things that we can’t control? … The practice of letting go is often mixed up with needing to be responsible, and that makes it hard. Yes, we do need to take care of things that our life is asking of us. Take getting to work, for example. We decide what time to leave for work and the route we’ll take. However, we don’t have control over whether or not the traffic will interfere with us getting to work on time. …

Creating Space in Your Life

February 6, 2023 CCL

BW photo: Man in old-fashioned dress looking at watch, rushing away from door with suitcase — Photo by Christopher Luther on Unsplash

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

How do you manage your day? If you have a habit of over-scheduling or leaving “just enough time” to get where you are going, you might find yourself feeling stressed and nervous as you rush through your day, harried and harassed. If there is someone driving slowly or there is more traffic than usual or you come upon a construction project, you might find yourself angry at each delay, and you arrive at your meeting in a state of anxiety and frustration, irritated with the world.

How about choosing to start a habit that allows you to move through life with more calm and with the ability to show up as your better self? …

What to do when you don't have a sense of control

March 15, 2020 Bryn Hazell

Wow! It was just a few weeks ago that some of us were thinking, “Could things get any crazier?” Well, the answer is obviously, “Yes!” I find it hard to take it in, and rather than overwhelmed, I feel some flavor of “shocked,” sort of like watching wide-eyed and open-mouthed without even having the ability to process it all.

I have learned to ration my news intake, finding my ability to notice a bodily feeling of dis-ease as a sign to turn off the news …