Breaking a Rule
Earlier this year I wrote an article for the newsletter that shared the needs I most want to meet this year: fun, curiosity, vitality, adventure, awe, and play, and how I want to meet them. This morning I’ve realized how easy it is to let the day go and not include them—that doing the things I would most love to do has been second in line to the things that just need doing. In a weird way, it’s like putting myself second. Oof!
What I want to do is to safeguard these needs from getting lost. I thought, “Well, maybe I can put notifications on my phone.” I could tell right away that this would trigger a have-to approach in responding to any of them.
Then I wondered, “Why are my needs for fun and delight taking second place?”
What quickly became clear is that putting fun things second isn’t my priority. It’s a cultural thing. When I grew up the rule was that doing fun things must wait until the “work” is done. Oh, now I get it. When the to-do list overrides my fun needs I’m defaulting to this cultural programming.
That does seem a bit robotic.
It kind of blows my mind that I considered my fun needs less important. That way of thinking does not meet my needs for inclusion and equality. It’s a reflection of what culture thinks, not me. So, I embrace the opposite idea—I intentionally place my fun needs on an equal footing with my other needs. Yes.
But wait—if that’s the case, it means sometimes a chore will be left undone. A messier house, TV dinners in the freezer, more weeds… Uh-oh, I can already feel an invisible someone shaking their finger at me. “Bad girl!”
No, not, “Bad girl.” Girl that refuses to follow a rule that doesn’t make sense. Fun matters. Curiosity matters. Learning matters.
My unmet needs finally woke me up. I get it now. They want to be seen and valued too; they want the same attention I give to other needs. OK. So now, within the flow of my week, I also do what I know will meet my needs for awe, curiosity, adventure, vitality, and play. What a delight! (Ever been a worm farmer 😊?)
~ Denise
