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I worked in television news for more than 20 years. … In the ‘80s, TV news changed because ratings and money, rather than public service, came into fashion. “If it bleeds, it leads” became prominent. That meant accidents, conflicts, and shootings now led the news because TV consultants suggested more people would watch the station with the most dramatic stories. … The consultants were right. Drama and conflict won out. …
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The arrival of a new year is often a time for looking ahead: making resolutions, identifying needs or values to live by, choosing theme words to give focus, and planning for activities and trips we want to make happen. I intend to do a few of these and enjoy envisioning my life in a larger context than the day-to-day.
I’ve also been thinking back on this year and recalling meaningful events. … Life flies by and many important moments can be forgotten. At 75, I’m very aware of this! I invite you to look back on the year and pick out experiences you want to carry with you. …
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This is the season when nostalgia can easily trigger the sensation of regret. Regretting can be complicated, for sure. The inner critic sometimes makes it into a story about what’s wrong with us or how foolish we are. It will use regret as proof that we’re not good enough. It might be helpful to separate the workings of the inner critic from the voice of regret—pull them apart, so to speak. …
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Not all roads in life are smoothly paved, as we know. Some are muddy or gravelly or have huge ditches. Sometimes trees have fallen across them or there are live wires nearby. These challenging times can become part of the inner voice that reminds us that bad things happen.
This same voice tells us that terrible things will probably continue to happen, and this worry pushes us to figure out how we can try to prevent them. It’s how the brain’s negativity bias works. …
Read moreI’d like to share a recommendation from my dear friend, Eliza: To Be In Awe— WISDOM from a 96-year-old. This film features Dot Fisher-Smith, an elder from Ashland, Oregon. She's invited to speak about her life today, and I think she does this with a great deal of beauty, calm, and awe. …
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When Covid came along in March 2020, our way of life at the Center for Compassionate Living (CCL) came to an abrupt halt. In-person practice groups, classes, and workshops were on hiatus. Thankfully, it was not too long before we learned about Zoom—and we were gratefully reconnected with many in our community. Four years later, we are still Zooming with participants from an array of geographic locations.
Donations from our community (and a pre-Covid healthy bank balance) have kept us going. However, our bank balance is now less than feels comfortable, so we’re reaching out for support.. …
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“To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives.” …
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Photo by Bryn Hazell
When thinking about the beauty of needs like gratitude, celebration, and appreciation, the early morning view from my window comes to mind.
I see the sunrise and my entire being is flooded with whatever chemicals we produce when we experience a joy so powerful that our entire body feels that joy. My breath pauses. Tears well up. My throat and chest feel a surge like… love?
I’m nearly speechless, “Wow! Wow! Wow!”
What an incredible gift to see and to appreciate this spectacular event. What a gift is nature and its beauty. …
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What does Compassionate/Nonviolent Communication (or NVC) have to do with the health of our planet? NVC cultivates life-serving awareness of needs like health, safety, peace, vitality, fairness, balance, and compassion; and seeks to meet these needs through peaceful and doable actions. …
Read moreWhat are some things we (mostly) have control over? What are some things that we can’t control? … The practice of letting go is often mixed up with needing to be responsible, and that makes it hard. Yes, we do need to take care of things that our life is asking of us. Take getting to work, for example. We decide what time to leave for work and the route we’ll take. However, we don’t have control over whether or not the traffic will interfere with us getting to work on time. …
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Photo by Jakob Owens
You’re reading this, so I’m guessing you know that Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication encourages us to focus on Feelings and Needs (as well as Observations and Requests).
For most of us, it seems to be easier to focus on times when our needs are not being met. It’s often mentioned that human beings survived by paying attention to potential dangers and warnings when they might be feeling scared, apprehensive, etc. Paying attention to feelings and needs may have meant the difference between life and death.
Acknowledging and getting to know one’s reactions to life (Feelings and Needs) is such important self-knowledge. It helps us see old patterns, stories that we tell ourselves, and how our system interprets the world. We can then learn to grow, change (if helpful), and communicate our life experience to others with more clarity, honesty, and connection. By practicing this, we gain insight to better understand and hear others as well.
I value moments of self-connection, including when needs are not met… and I very much value noticing when needs are met. …
Read moreI wanted to write a paragraph or two about the deep joy of being alive and being present for the beauty life offers. How grateful I am that NVC has encouraged me to be more aware, to consciously take in the needs met in special moments.
I enjoy the goldfinches at the backyard bird feeder outside my window. How delighted I feel to watch these brilliantly yellow birds. The perfect yellow is so intense that I feel a bit shocked and catch my breath at nature's handiwork.
And then I came across "Invitation," a poem by Mary Oliver, who writes so wonderfully what I wanted to say. …
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When I was growing up, so-called “negative” emotions were not welcome. “Get over it.” “Put a smile on your face.” “There’s no use crying over spilled milk.” “What’s done is done.”
When I started to learn Compassionate Communication, the idea that ALL emotions were valued and connected us to life-serving needs resonated with me. I liked the idea of being “fully alive”—feeling the universal human emotions of joy and happiness, as well as disappointment and grief—and all the rest of the emotions. …
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I think it was in March 2020 that Covid started becoming a “thing” that we needed to plan our lives around. For the Center for Compassionate Living (CCL) it meant the end of practice groups and classes at our sweet space on Southwest Industrial Way in Bend. We had just signed a new year-long lease for $850-ish /mo., and we wondered how we were going to make the rent without offering classes, etc. We had a fairly good financial cushion and our community continued to support us as we all waited for things to “get back to normal.” A year later we gave up our space because things were not back to normal, and we didn’t want to continue the financial burden without clarity on when we could meet again in person.
Of course, what “saved” the Center was Zoom, the widely used online videoconferencing software. …
photo credit: Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
I’m looking out the window at a wintery white landscape with falling snow. A robin is bouncing around on the dark branches of a leafless tree in my front yard. It jumps from branch to branch, turning its head this way and that, searching for any berries that others may have missed. It’s cold outside. The light is gray.
A few years ago, I found a book called, “The Little Book of Hygge” (pronounced HOO-GA). It brought me a wonderful new perspective on winter evenings (and sometimes days), which has enriched my life and I have shared with many others. …
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A couple of days ago I stopped by 803 SW Industrial Way to check Suite 200 and our mail. I check the space periodically to make sure it’s still okay, hasn’t flooded, etc. Everything looked good, and I felt such a mix of happiness and sadness seeing our sweet space. So many wonderful, fun, touching, moving, learning, spiritual, affectionate, astonishing moments many of us have shared in that gentle space, overseen by our scarf-wearing 6’ giraffe. How many times did people say on arriving, “Oh, I just feel better walking into this place!” …
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Photo credit: Engin Akyurt from Pixabay
Compassionate Communication supports acknowledging what’s happening (observations), feeling the feelings that arise from that stimulus, connecting to the needs and values that those feelings signal, and then creating doable requests or actions to meet those needs.
Feeling the feelings and the sensations is such an important part of the process, and yet it is only one step…
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We are delighted to report that our initial request for people to participate in our Circle of Friends of the Center for Compassionate Living brought in an additional $120/month! So, we now have $470/month in automatic deposits towards our $1000/month goal of monthly donors to create a more dependable, sustainable income for the Center.
What's This About a Book Give-Away?…
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Beth Hanson, Co-Founder, Board Member, Secretary
Dear Friends of the Center for Compassionate Living,
We write to you today with a touch of anxiety and mostly a sense of hope and trust. Our expenses at the Center for Compassionate Living are exceeding our revenue. …
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Photo credit: Joanne Diepenheim
Are you familiar with the Metta or Loving Kindness Meditation? The Metta is a heartfelt wish for our own well-being and the well-being of others. It is said in ever-widening circles. We start first by saying it for ourselves. This is my version:
May I be filled with kindness for my heart.
May I be well in body and mind, and safe from inner and outer danger.
May I be happy, peaceful, and free.
Center for Compassionate Living
c/o Denise Torres
1516 NE Locksley Drive
Bend, OR 97701
541-350-6517
501(c)(3) non-profit corporation
Tax ID: 80-0326828
