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I worked in television news for more than 20 years. … In the ‘80s, TV news changed because ratings and money, rather than public service, came into fashion. “If it bleeds, it leads” became prominent. That meant accidents, conflicts, and shootings now led the news because TV consultants suggested more people would watch the station with the most dramatic stories. … The consultants were right. Drama and conflict won out. …
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The arrival of a new year is often a time for looking ahead: making resolutions, identifying needs or values to live by, choosing theme words to give focus, and planning for activities and trips we want to make happen. I intend to do a few of these and enjoy envisioning my life in a larger context than the day-to-day.
I’ve also been thinking back on this year and recalling meaningful events. … Life flies by and many important moments can be forgotten. At 75, I’m very aware of this! I invite you to look back on the year and pick out experiences you want to carry with you. …
Read moreI’d like to share a recommendation from my dear friend, Eliza: To Be In Awe— WISDOM from a 96-year-old. This film features Dot Fisher-Smith, an elder from Ashland, Oregon. She's invited to speak about her life today, and I think she does this with a great deal of beauty, calm, and awe. …
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Photo by Bryn Hazell
When thinking about the beauty of needs like gratitude, celebration, and appreciation, the early morning view from my window comes to mind.
I see the sunrise and my entire being is flooded with whatever chemicals we produce when we experience a joy so powerful that our entire body feels that joy. My breath pauses. Tears well up. My throat and chest feel a surge like… love?
I’m nearly speechless, “Wow! Wow! Wow!”
What an incredible gift to see and to appreciate this spectacular event. What a gift is nature and its beauty. …
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Photo by Jakob Owens
You’re reading this, so I’m guessing you know that Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication encourages us to focus on Feelings and Needs (as well as Observations and Requests).
For most of us, it seems to be easier to focus on times when our needs are not being met. It’s often mentioned that human beings survived by paying attention to potential dangers and warnings when they might be feeling scared, apprehensive, etc. Paying attention to feelings and needs may have meant the difference between life and death.
Acknowledging and getting to know one’s reactions to life (Feelings and Needs) is such important self-knowledge. It helps us see old patterns, stories that we tell ourselves, and how our system interprets the world. We can then learn to grow, change (if helpful), and communicate our life experience to others with more clarity, honesty, and connection. By practicing this, we gain insight to better understand and hear others as well.
I value moments of self-connection, including when needs are not met… and I very much value noticing when needs are met. …
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Every morning I awake torn between a desire to save the world and an inclination to savor it. This makes it hard to plan the day. But if we forget to savor the world, what possible reason do we have for saving it? In a way, the savoring must come first. ~ E.B. White
A friend’s email included the above quote this week, and after reading it I said to myself, YES! That’s how I often feel.
I like to start my day with an early morning walk when I can feel the cool air, enjoy the peace, see the morning light, and take in the beauty that surrounds me. Ahh… savor!
Identifying one of my aspirations in life as “saving the world” is not energizing for me. I feel overwhelmed and hopeless. It does not inspire me. I do love the quote though, and it got me thinking that rather than saving the world, it’s more motivating for me to think, “What can I do today?” …
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I like the word “Grace.”
I’ve been working on a definition of what it means to me. Here’s my current definition: Accepting the difficulties and challenges that life brings with a peaceful flow of awareness that encourages thoughtful and kind actions.
It’s a feeling and a need for me.
Lately, with the physical, emotional, and mental challenges that aging brings to my life (and to that of many of my friends and family), I’ve been thinking more about grace. …
Read moreI wanted to write a paragraph or two about the deep joy of being alive and being present for the beauty life offers. How grateful I am that NVC has encouraged me to be more aware, to consciously take in the needs met in special moments.
I enjoy the goldfinches at the backyard bird feeder outside my window. How delighted I feel to watch these brilliantly yellow birds. The perfect yellow is so intense that I feel a bit shocked and catch my breath at nature's handiwork.
And then I came across "Invitation," a poem by Mary Oliver, who writes so wonderfully what I wanted to say. …
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photo credit: Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
I’m looking out the window at a wintery white landscape with falling snow. A robin is bouncing around on the dark branches of a leafless tree in my front yard. It jumps from branch to branch, turning its head this way and that, searching for any berries that others may have missed. It’s cold outside. The light is gray.
A few years ago, I found a book called, “The Little Book of Hygge” (pronounced HOO-GA). It brought me a wonderful new perspective on winter evenings (and sometimes days), which has enriched my life and I have shared with many others. …
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Photo credit: Denise Torres
It’s apparently part of our human wiring to have a strong focus on what isn’t working, and comparatively a rather weak focus on what is going well. However, it turns out that we can change this through the practice of noticing and savoring the good stuff—those moments when needs are met. Using this practice, we become aware of the wonderful feelings that arise at those moments, and this creates a delightful loop of noticing and enjoying them more often. Even more wonderful, drinking in these good moments feeds the heart, mind, and spirit by filling up our often-depleted energy reserves.
Here are some practices you can try that support growing an awareness of needs met.
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Photo credit: Aaron Tani
The other day, as my thoughts rambled along, it occurred to me that many things must have had to happen for me to be alive today. Like my parents meeting; that they married and they wanted children. Then soon after I was born I contracted encephalitis. Somehow the care I received, the expertise brought to that moment, the many prayers prayed, my own genetic makeup, and God knows how much more pulled me through. Any less might not have.
But really, aren’t there literally thousands of events that preceded my birth and many thousand more that have taken place in life my since then? …
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Ah, Fall. It’s my favorite time of year… the cooler, crisper mornings; the spectacular red and yellow shimmer of leaves; the slant of the sun that turns things golden and soft. I am suffused with a joy that seems to reach every cell of my body. One of the great gifts of NVC for me is this being present for and letting in the wonderful that surrounds me.
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Photo Credit: BLM, Wikimedia Commons
I just attended a wonderful Embodied Life Retreat with Russell Delman at Breitenbush. I had a delicious experience of peace, learning, inspiration, connection, and extraordinary beauty (pink rhododendron explosion)!
The morning before I left, Denise Torres and I met at the Center for our regular planning meeting. We were talking about how we'd like to actively encourage people to take their compassionate practice not only into their personal relationships, but out into our community.
Center for Compassionate Living
c/o Denise Torres
1516 NE Locksley Drive
Bend, OR 97701
541-350-6517
501(c)(3) non-profit corporation
Tax ID: 80-0326828
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