Your Custom Text Here
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
I worked in television news for more than 20 years. … In the ‘80s, TV news changed because ratings and money, rather than public service, came into fashion. “If it bleeds, it leads” became prominent. That meant accidents, conflicts, and shootings now led the news because TV consultants suggested more people would watch the station with the most dramatic stories. … The consultants were right. Drama and conflict won out. …
Read more
Photo by @dingzeyuli on Unsplash
I recently wrote an article titled “Do something!” The gist was if we have an unmet need, the action step of NVC—the request—is how we meet the need and how we move from frustration and helplessness toward satisfaction and relief.
For much of my life, I felt helpless when my needs were not met. NVC changed my life by teaching me that I can take action to meet my needs. … If taking a step to meet a need seems to be more than we can manage, then perhaps the first step is to build capacity. …
Read more
Photo by @@finleydesign on Unsplash
When Covid came along in March 2020, our way of life at the Center for Compassionate Living (CCL) came to an abrupt halt. In-person practice groups, classes, and workshops were on hiatus. Thankfully, it was not too long before we learned about Zoom—and we were gratefully reconnected with many in our community. Four years later, we are still Zooming with participants from an array of geographic locations.
Donations from our community (and a pre-Covid healthy bank balance) have kept us going. However, our bank balance is now less than feels comfortable, so we’re reaching out for support.. …
Read more
Photo by Nick Fewings, on Unsplash
These past few years I’ve noticed more people in the media talking about people’s values and needs—and I’m feeling pretty excited and encouraged with that awareness. To be clear, I hear plenty of labeling and name calling too, and yet I want to notice and appreciate comments that are less judgmental.
I’ve been hearing more exploration of viewpoints with the focus on concerns and values. I’m remembering a top public health official during the pandemic talking about people who weren’t taking the vaccine, wearing masks, or were against the closure of schools, etc. …
Read more
Photo by Gary Bendig on Unsplash
Dear NVC Friends,
I want to take a moment to tell you how meaningful being part of a practice group is for me! I heard someone say recently they spent a lot of time alone when they were younger and managed it well. And then they found and valued community. I think that’s my story too.
There’s something so very special about belonging, and in particular, belonging to this community—where we learn how to choose inquiry over blame and connection over judgments. …
Read more“Nine in ten Americans say overcoming divisiveness is now more important than ever before.”
New Public Agenda/USA Today poll April 2021
CCL Board Member Beth Hanson brought this poll result to my attention and wondered if we could encourage people to see our similarities and commonalities as a way to reduce divisiveness. To me, divisiveness results from a loss of human connection.
One of the many gifts of Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication is bringing awareness to what we share as Americans, as human beings. NVC acknowledges the commonality of feelings and universal human needs. …
Read more
photo credit: Scott Rodgerson on Unsplash
When I hear people say, “Speak your truth,” I feel concerned because the word “truth” seems to be closed more than open. It doesn’t appear to leave room for other perspectives. I like, “Speak your experience” better because it seems more open to me. “Here’s my experience. What’s yours?”
For example, someone might say, “The police are racist and violent.” Another person might say, “The police make us safe and protect us.”
What do you imagine the first person’s experience with the police might be? …
Read more“It’s hard to have sympathy for people who are dying of Covid. It’s their own fault!”
Those are the words I heard from a person who usually has lots of empathy and compassion for people and their troubles. I get why they said it.
If I guess their feelings and needs, perhaps:
Feelings: Frustrated, irritated, amazed, confused, confounded, angry.
Needs: Health/life, responsibility, awareness, shared reality.
I understand why he said what he did. We all have the same needs as my acquaintance. My reason for bringing this up is not to correct him (or anyone), but rather to contrast being in judgment with adding compassion to our needs/values. …
Read more
Marshall Rosenberg, PhD. and the author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (NVC), made it his life-long endeavor to bring peace by helping people understand the reasons why reactivity, conflict, and most violence arise. He discovered that moralistic judgments are a significant catalyst to conflict and suffering. …
Read more
A couple of days ago I stopped by 803 SW Industrial Way to check Suite 200 and our mail. I check the space periodically to make sure it’s still okay, hasn’t flooded, etc. Everything looked good, and I felt such a mix of happiness and sadness seeing our sweet space. So many wonderful, fun, touching, moving, learning, spiritual, affectionate, astonishing moments many of us have shared in that gentle space, overseen by our scarf-wearing 6’ giraffe. How many times did people say on arriving, “Oh, I just feel better walking into this place!” …
Read more
Photo credit: Engin Akyurt from Pixabay
Compassionate Communication supports acknowledging what’s happening (observations), feeling the feelings that arise from that stimulus, connecting to the needs and values that those feelings signal, and then creating doable requests or actions to meet those needs.
Feeling the feelings and the sensations is such an important part of the process, and yet it is only one step…
Read more
Photo credit: Aaron Tani
Today is June 2 and I participated in a demonstration in downtown Bend. Hundreds of people gathered and then marched to show empathy, anger, and grief—calling for change around the issues arising from the death of George Floyd, the black man in Minneapolis who died with a policeman’s knee on his neck.
Many if not most of the people demonstrating appeared to be in their teens, 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s. I felt heartened to see so many young people participating. They were calling for racial justice, the end to police brutality, accountability, and valuing Black Lives. Many people in passing cars honked in support.
A few Bend police officers were there to “make sure everyone gets to go home safely” as one officer said to me. I saw these police engaged in friendly conversation with demonstrators and then stepping in when traffic help was needed to make sure cars and pedestrians could all pass. They were there to protect.
One of the tenets of Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication is that we envision a world where all people’s needs will be valued equally and met peacefully. Today’s demonstration and the following statement help to bring me hope and encouragement.
Message from Bend Police Chief Jim Porter: …
Read more
“Train in the Snow” by Claude Monet
Not only did we have bountiful snow this past week, but we also had bountiful needs met by all of the many helping hands and hearts that showed up.
Friends and family members told me stories of neighbors jumping in to help with shoveling, snow blowing, and roof raking. One friend who finds it hard to ask for help was so worried about the deepening snow on the roof that she screwed up her courage and requested to borrow a roof rake—and was happily rewarded when the owners were delighted to be asked. …
Read more
"I had a wonderful day at the prison." Those are my words almost every time I come home after volunteering at the Deer Ridge Correctional Institution (DRCI) in Madras. I get to see people light up with hope as they learn new skills, make a positive difference, and connect with themselves and others in a more compassionate/ nonviolent way.
Those of you who donate to the Center for Compassionate Living make the classes and the practice group possible, and your donations also support Pro-Social Communication Workgroup (PSCWG) projects. …
Photo credit: Joanne and Kees Diepenheim
I am honored to teach Communicating for Life classes at Deer Ridge Correctional Institution (DRCI) and have needs met for connection, learning, contribution, fun, and more at each class. Your donations make these classes possible so I want to pass along a few of the men’s appreciations to you for the difference you make in their lives. …
Read more
Photo credit: Joanne and Kees Diepenheim
At a recent practice group, we talked about the upcoming holidays and the mixed bag they can be for some of us. We explored what needs each of us wants to meet and we used that exercise in awareness to set our intentions for those needs.
Read more
Photo credit: Aaron Tani
Dear Friends,
“When someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don’t stoop to their level. No, our motto is, when they go low, we go high."
Those are Michelle Obama’s words spoken during her speech at the Democratic National Convention. And it got me to thinking, what does it look like to “go high”?
Read more
Photo credit: Aaron Tani
By now I’m hoping you’ve had a chance to try Compassionate Communication during a disagreement, or as a way to get needs met at home or at work. Hurray! Practicing by doing is the most direct way to keep learning and growing one’s NVC skills.
But what about when running across a situation in which we’re confused and we’re not sure what to do? Or, what if our brain is telling us two completely different but seemingly reasonable stories about a situation?
Center for Compassionate Living
c/o Denise Torres
1516 NE Locksley Drive
Bend, OR 97701
541-350-6517
501(c)(3) non-profit corporation
Tax ID: 80-0326828