When I was growing up, so-called “negative” emotions were not welcome. “Get over it.” “Put a smile on your face.” “There’s no use crying over spilled milk.” “What’s done is done.”

When I started to learn Compassionate Communication, the idea that ALL emotions were valued and connected us to life-serving needs resonated with me. I liked the idea of being “fully alive”—feeling the universal human emotions of joy and happiness, as well as disappointment and grief—and all the rest of the emotions.

So, I have intentionally practiced letting myself be with and really feel all the emotions, including those we experience when needs are not met. Because I had a long-time habit of ignoring and dismissing those emotions, it still takes effort and intention for me to feel them — and like NVC founder Marshall Rosenberg used to say, there’s a “sweet sadness” to it. I feel that “sweet sadness” because I am connected to myself and to being fully alive.

I recently moved and now live next door to a cemetery. Some people find that idea unpleasant. I have found it to be heart-warming and touching—and of course sad—when I see people burying or coming to visit their loved ones, placing flowers and standing or sitting next to the grave, grieving the loss of their loved one. To me, they honor the whole human experience of love and of loss.

What’s your experience with grief, sadness, and disappointment? How do you hold these parts of life in you?

~ Bryn