Not all roads in life are smoothly paved, as we know. Some are muddy or gravelly or have huge ditches. Sometimes trees have fallen across them or there are live wires nearby. These challenging times can become part of the inner voice that reminds us that bad things happen.
This same voice tells us that terrible things will probably continue to happen, and this worry pushes us to figure out how we can try to prevent them. It’s how the brain’s negativity bias works.
Everything changes, and that is true. But, to spend time thinking about how things might be hard or painful is not helpful to us or others. It heightens our fears and makes us anxious and reactive.
When I get caught in the trance of “What if,” I am lost. My worry and fear prevent me from accessing my executive functioning—meaning I lose access to my wisdom, strength, and experience—which I will need especially if things are not going as I hope. Letting my mind wander around what I think will happen and how bad it will get, isn’t kind to my body, mind, or spirit.
What is kind for me is to let go of this story-making about the future and be here and now where those things are not happening. Where it’s not perfect and yet it has exquisite moments of beauty, wonder, and love. To take these times and appreciate what is working nourishes me, and that gives me the energy and capacity to deal with what isn’t working. This brings me closer to peace.
One thing I’m letting go of is the feeling of personal responsibility for how things turn out, which leads to a reactive need to try and control the future. But it turns out that thinking I need to control the future, and then not being able to control it, makes me even more fearful. By letting go I acknowledge that the only thing I have control over is what I do or say or think.
So, when I notice that I’m leaning into fear I am learning to stop, pause, and come back to presence. To immerse myself in my true spirit and the beauty that’s all around me. And to fill my heart with the mountains of gratitude I have for my family and friends, and for the communities I’m connected to. I’ve already discovered that each day I make this my practice is a day I become spiritually stronger.
You might find it hard to let go of the stories and the fear. I understand that. Some things are tough to accept. But to redirect my heart away from the fear I’ve learned I need to do just that. This doesn’t mean I stop feeling sad, angry, or disheartened. It just means I’m no longer fighting against reality. When I stop resisting things as they are I find myself back on my feet and able to continue forward, and yes, with both my difficult feelings and with beauty, gratitude, and love—the ingredients of a peaceful heart.
~ Denise
