When unmet needs become demanding

March 23, 2024 Denise Torres

When you have a need that you are seeking to meet but the seeking becomes insistent, like a demand, what then? This is what I’ve experienced.

The negative energy (and the stories I tell myself) that go with an unmet need creates a kind of hypervigilance—an intensity about getting the need met, and a fearfulness that it won't be.

I become attached to a particular outcome. …

A Lesson in Calm Confidence

May 22, 2023 Denise Torres

BW photo of serious dog looking straight ahead and placing paw in human hand. — Photo by Fabian Gieske on Unsplash

Last fall Michael and I needed help with our dog Sofia. She’s a very sweet pup. However, about six months ago we had some changes at the house that really stressed her out, which of course, stressed us out too.

Here’s what we’ve learned since then. Dogs are like our mirrors. What we feel, they feel. …

Finding Self-Trust

April 3, 2023 CCL

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

One of the most damaging things about believing the inner critic is that we lose our ability to trust ourselves. Instead, we begin to doubt.

“I’m not loveable.”

“I can’t do anything right.”

“I’m not good enough to be accepted.”

Believing the inner critic means we are never really free from shame and unworthiness. This damages our felt sense of value, peace, self-trust, and most of all, safety. Over time this loss separates us from who we truly are. …