Regret

December 11, 2023 Bryn Hazell

One of our practice groups has been exploring the NVC process for things we regret.

It begins with making an observation (just the facts) about what we did.
We then connect with the feelings we experience now as we think about what we did then. (Feelings sheet.)
We then connect with the needs/values that were not met by what we did. (Needs sheet.)

After deeply connecting with these feelings and needs (sitting with them), we think back to the time we did what we now regret. …

Compassionate Communication… “Natural” but not “Habitual”?

August 28, 2023 Bryn Hazell

Photo of man holding baby, both laughing. — Photo by Lawrence Crayton, on Unsplash

When I hear people say about NVC, “This is not natural,” I think to myself, “Oh, it is natural, but I’m guessing it’s not habitual!”

We’re born with feelings that bring attention to needs. Babies cry when they’re hungry, tired, wet, or needing care of some sort. Babies usually gurgle happily when they’re comfortable and someone is smiling, playing, and tickling—giving them attention.

If we were all encouraged to notice, feel, and acknowledge our feelings and needs, we would continue that natural connection. Instead, it seems that we learn to stuff, hide, or be embarrassed about our feelings and needs, and we lose connection with them. But they are a natural part of being human. …

Finding Self-Trust

April 3, 2023 CCL

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

One of the most damaging things about believing the inner critic is that we lose our ability to trust ourselves. Instead, we begin to doubt.

“I’m not loveable.”

“I can’t do anything right.”

“I’m not good enough to be accepted.”

Believing the inner critic means we are never really free from shame and unworthiness. This damages our felt sense of value, peace, self-trust, and most of all, safety. Over time this loss separates us from who we truly are. …

From "Changing Self Talk Into Self Care": More on Working with the Inner Critic

October 1, 2019 Denise Torres

From the Changing Self Talk to Self Care workshop

Marshall Rosenberg, in his book, Nonviolent Communication, helps us to understand how feelings of inner ease and peace arise when we “see” and accept who we are just as we are. On the other hand, when we attack ourselves with judgment, blame, shame, guilt, or threats we don’t see or accept ourselves as we are. The impact of this is its own kind of violence, yes? To help us untangle our inner criticisms we first apply these important facts to our situation. …

People are NOT the Problem

November 1, 2017 Denise Torres

We know from Dr. Rosenberg’s work that conflict arises because there are unmet needs on the table. When conflict happens to me I instantly feel the physiological pinch of the painful negative emotions linked to these unmet needs. I do NOT like this experience. I’m pretty sure no one likes it. Both my psychological and physiological impulse is to make these feelings stop NOW.