This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.
As human beings, we rely on our feelings and needs to inform our thinking, speaking, and actions. However, one of the most common challenges we face is having the time to connect with them. Who doesn’t feel rushed or distracted most of the time?
In our culture, it’s common practice to handle overwhelming demands and time constraints by ignoring our feelings and needs. This is one way depression, anxiety, frustration, and depletion become our companions. It’s one reason our mental health gets shaky. Why? Because feelings and needs matter. Without observing our feelings, we flounder in them. Without respecting our needs, we won’t know what steps to take next. When we don’t know what’s going on inside, it’s hard to know who we are.
Self-connection is medicine for the body, mind, and spirit. It helps us stay centered and grounded even in a world that is moving very fast. It’s possible to commit to a practice of self-connection when we rethink how much time we need.
Say, for example, we notice we’re feeling squeezed for time. What if we permit ourselves to say just that? “Wow, I’m feeling a lot of pressure right now. Can I give myself a few minutes to step back, breathe, and check in?” Or, to others: “Thanks for letting me know. I need some time to process this. Can I get back to you in 30 minutes (an hour? tomorrow?).” Then take a few minutes and check in with yourself.
When time is short, try a simple version of checking in. Notice, “Do I feel open and willing, or do I feel closed and resistant?” If you’re feeling closed and you know needs are not being met, breathe into those feelings, and ask yourself, “What are one or two needs at play right now?” (Maybe Connection, Collaboration, or Support?) Breathe into those needs.
It’s also helpful to notice what’s driving our stress. You can ask yourself, “What expectations are playing a part in this? Are they realistic or perfectionistic?” Asking these questions makes it possible to act. “What can I do about this?” or, “What do I want to do about this?”
Acknowledging that our feelings and needs matter is the same as saying we matter. Is this practice possible in all situations? No. Will practicing help to make it more helpful more often? Yes.
