Sometimes I notice a reluctance to have compassion for another person. I might be afraid that if I have compassion for them, I will lose myself and not have my needs met. I may even have a habit of letting compassion for others stop me from having compassion for myself and speaking up for my needs.

For example:

Me – “So the reason you said, ‘Shut up’ to me is that you were tired and overwhelmed and your boss just yelled at you. Is that right?”

Them – “Yes.”

Me – “I understand. You were just really upset and sort of lost it.”

I used to stop there and not address how hearing, “Shut up” was for me.

So now I might say: “I understand how that can happen when you’re upset. At the same time, I would like more consideration when you’re feeling distressed. Would you agree to work on noticing when you’re feeling upset—and then pause and say something like, ‘I notice I’m really upset. I’m going to take a minute.’ Would you be willing to try that?”

This is an example of compassion for the other person and compassion for myself—valuing my needs as well as the other person’s. We can have soft, compassionate hearts for others along with soft, strong hearts for ourselves.

~ Bryn